And the breeze swept her hair

away from her pale, cold face..

her eyes crystal clear

a pain she cannot conceal..

Had I known I'd feel this

I wouldn't have started

I wouldn't have put myself

In such an unsettling position

Had I known he'd walk away

I would've grabbed on tighter

Pulled him back with all my might

And confessed with all honesty

Had I known I'd fall deeper

I could've locked myself in

Shut myself out from society

And talked to my inner self

Had I known I'd hurt this much

I would've run away

Turned my back against it all

Started anew in a distant land

But I did not know

And he did not tell me

So I trusted him and

Let him break me

The lies he told

Right in my face

Shot through my heart

Like an arrow ablaze

And I did not know

If only, I had known

I think I finally understand how much the truth actually hurts. It had to take me seven long years to realize that. And it still hurts even when I say I have moved on. Yes, I have moved on. But the memory is still there. The memory of the pain, the anger and joy still embedded inside. All it needed was a little nudge and a poke to rekindle all that past emotions.

I don't know if I really wanted to hear all the truth. I had it played in my mind repeatedly for the last 7 yrs. I rehearsed what I would say if ever our paths were to cross again. It was there. All the preparations were done. I was ready--or so I thought I was.

03.11.13